Question a Christian friend, Billy, asked me years ago: "What are your thoughts on this hierarchy of marriage?" I find your perspective on dating to be truly unique. So many people do the trial and error method of dating. Although I do know a few couples that have GREAT marriages, they dated but they did not have their first kiss until the veil was lifted on the wedding day. The first kiss was in front of the witnesses. Their marriages are STRONG.
I believe that the hierarchy in the marriage for women should be, God first, Wife second, Mother third and for the men, God first, Husband second and Father third.
My thoughts and responce:
I believe in keeping my eyes fixed upon Jesus Christ as my Lord and master, and everything else is an assignment from Him. I believe that whether I am at work, church, or home that I should respect those in authority over me. When I was a child growing up among 11 children, I had an awareness of God and understood, through my grandmother, that I was to obey my parents, and obey Ten Commandments. One of the major ones that kept coming up as a child among 11 was lying! Someone was always doing something they should not and then lying about it. I publicly gave my life to the Lord at age 14 and was born again and became very aware of the Ten Commandments – particularly the one about lying. I would tell my parents the truth even if I got into trouble with my siblings over it, as it was my reverential fear of the Lord that made me tell the truth – I was aware HE was watching and recording everything I did in my life. Even if my parents or brothers and sisters did not know, I knew HE did. I developed a reputation with my parents of trustworthiness. My mother would ask me if I did – whatever… and no matter what, I would tell her the truth. Sometimes I had my brothers and sisters upset with me over this, but I did not care as it was God’s awareness I was most concerned with, and my parents. My mother stated: “Sharron has never lied to me so I trust whatever she tells me, until I catch her in a lie – then I will no longer believe her.” I never forgot this statement my mother made – the trust she had in me.
This respect for God and my parents (honoring them) carried over to employers, supervisors, pastors, Sunday school teachers, and husband – anyone in authority over me. There was one time I worked for a small company: CP&W Printing Ink Co., and they were not believers. It was a one girl office and I did the cost formulas, payroll and petty cash for about thirteen people. I had the main lab tech – who I might add was married, make a pass at me while the boss was out of town. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me and I fought him off and told him to keep his hands off of me! He got so angry with me that when my boss returned he went in behind closed doors – I knew it was about me and not good, I felt it in my spirit. When it was time for me to leave, my boss wanted to “have a talk with me”. He told me he was going to have to fire me and that this was one of the hardest things he ever had to do, as he thought of me like his daughter – he cried! I was devastated but decided I would trust the Lord through it. I was then asked by management if I would work two more weeks to train the new girl, as no one knew how to do my job but me. I felt the Lord wanted me to “do good to those that despitefully use you” so I agreed to. I tried to treat the new girl – my replacement, according to the golden rule. One day she asked: “I do not understand… how you can stay here to train me when they fired you? I would never be able to do that! I was able to tell her how I was able to do this and why. I believed God would take care of me even under these negative circumstances – He would provide me with another job.
I got up one Sunday night to give my testimony at church about how I had gotten fired for my stand and one of the guys heard me and went to work the next day and asked his Human Resources department if there were any openings – there was! He recommended me and I got a job within one week! I never even lost a paycheck! It was there, I might add that I met my husband.
I learned that anyone that is over me, whether it is a president, governor, supervisor, pastor, husband, Superintendent, anyone in authority over me, to submit as unto the Lord. This prepared me for my husband. I submitted to him and a few times it went against my biblical beliefs and I would be reminded of Sara – Abraham’s wife, when he had her lie that she was his sister (which she was) but she was also his wife (which they did not share) and when the King took her and began to prepare her to be one of his wives, the Lord rescued her! I thought about it … Sara could have told the King: “Abraham is already my husband so I cannot be married to you” but she did not! God corrected the King and Abraham, and delivered Sara! I came to the conclusion that it was Sara’s faith in God to deliver her, and perhaps Abraham’s ignorance to God’s ways, that turned around her situation. I trusted God each time Jack would try and violate my Christian walk – I would throw myself at the feet of the Lord and seek His intervention and deliverance. He always came through – if I just waited upon Him.
One day, during the brain tumor struggles Jack was having, he grabbed me by the hair and tried to throw me out the window of a second story – our home. My girls were at the table and it was over a silly glass of milk! He had been deprived of milk growing up and when I told my daughter, Elena, she had to eat her meal and could not have another glass of milk till then that he exploded! I recall the Lord speaking to me while Jack had my hair in his hand, dragging me to the window and thrashing me against it…the Lord spoke to me and said: “Bring honor and glory to my name”! I tried to think carefully at how to respond to Jack, while being tossed around in front of my girls, but the only thing that came out was: “In the name of Jesus Christ – get your hands off of me now!” At this command he let me go and I ran into a bedroom and cried to the Lord: “Lord, I do not understand – why while I am being humiliated in front of the girls, are you warning me to bring honor and glory to your name, while I am being attacked? To this the Lord answered: “The reason I asked you to bring honor and glory to my name while you were being tossed around is, it is while you are under fire – during these times, that Jack can see what you have that he does not”.
After this incident, a few years later while he was having a biopsy for the first time, he was in the recovery room at Cobb Hospital, he had wanted ice or a drink of water but the staff would not give it to him. Jack had a terrible temper and was threatening to come up off that table if they did not give him some water – NOW! His anesthesiologist came over to him and said, “Son, calm down – I will give you a cup of ice but be careful eating it, as you can throw up if you take too much”. He stayed there with Jack until he was delivered back to his room and even came to talk to him after he was off duty to reassure him. While Jack was telling my older sister, Betty, about this incident, he stated to her: this guy had an angelic personality like Sharron – I think he might have been an angel!” I for the first time, heard what Jack thought of my personality!
This has been a lengthy explanation, but then all mine are – I have no quick answers, but to sum it all up: my order or hierarchy is: Lord first, Husband/boss/pastor, others – then me, based upon the written word of God, below…which see.
King James Version (KJV)
Ephesians 5:22: 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Colossians 3:18: 18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1: Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Colossians 3:20: Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Colossians 3:19: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Titus 2:4: That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.
Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eye service, as men pleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;
Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
